


The Letter

by poppetawoppet



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-22
Updated: 2009-10-22
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the Simple Plan song"Save You", a letter that deals with the boys feelings</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
I don't even know if you are going to read this. But I hope so.

  
First you must know that I walked away for a reason. We both had a choice to make. I do not regret mine. Neither should you. I wish I could say that there was ever a chance for us, but honestly, did you ever really believe it? Walking away from you with that look in your eyes is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And we've both sung "No Boundaries" so you know that it was hard.

  
I know that was a lame attempt at humor. But someone has to try and cheer you up, right? That used to be my job. Until we broke each other.

  
So I decided to write you, to try to make things better, to help you understand that you made the right decision. That I made the right decision. That it was the only one we could have made without hurting anyone but ourselves. I wish I could hold you close again, tell you everything is going to be all right. But that's what got us in trouble in the first place wasn't it?

  
You called me yesterday and it hurt to talk to you. It wasn't the same as before. You sounded tired. You always sound tired, even when I see you on TV and there is a smile on your face. You've lost weight and it's killing me. I want to take you under my wing and feed you. I want to make sure you're okay every minute of every day. I wish I knew how to make you feel better about everything. I wish I could make it all right.

  
I'm gonna bug you until you laugh at me again. Because deep down, despite all we have done to each other, we will always be best friends. I don't know a lot about fate, but I can say that I believe fate put us together, and somehow we fucked it up with feelings. But I'll always listen should you ever decide to call.

  
You know that I'll be there should anything ever happen. You know I'll always be your ear if you need it. We've gone through too much together for one kiss to change that.

  
And stop feeling guilty about it okay? We're both taken, technically, so if a kiss is cheating, we both did it. Yes, you may have made the move, but I let it happen. So stop worrying. It was…

  
Okay, so I was going to say it was only a kiss, but we both know better don't we? I try not to remember it, but I have a feeling you are having as much trouble as I am. But is it worth it for both of us to give up so much on potential alone? I don't know.

  
But I do know this: whatever we had, other than friendship, it can't happen. Not now. Not ever. Because we both have other people depending on us. Because we both have responsibilities and we need to face them. Because we love the people we are with, and that means something.

  
So please understand that I'm hurting too, that I also have regrets. But I can't let them eat me up. And you shouldn't let them either.

  
I'll always be ready for anything. Just call me, okay? Show up at my door. I miss your face.

  
I love you.

  
Don't be sorry. Don't be guilty. Just be yourself again.

  
~Adam


	2. Another Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of hope amongst the angst

I've read it so many times there are creases on the words, that I could recite it from memory.

I know why you walked away. I understand it perfectly. You were right.

It doesn't make it feel any better.

Don't worry about cheering me up, even your lame attempts at humor are enough. And if I remember rightly most of your humor is of the lame variety. (See? Even I can make a joke.)

Don't worry about making me feel better. I'm trying. I know I looked terrible, but don't think it was all you.

I told Katy.

She took it rather well. And to be honest, it helped us more than it hurt us. So I guess I have you to thank for making my marriage better. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I'm not sure I ever will.

I do want to laugh again. I do. But there are still things I need to work on. But I hope that we can be friends again. That is something I have discovered. Hope. Although not in the way you might think.

I hope when I see you again, that we can go back to where we were before. I hope I can look into your eyes and feel kinship again. I hope that when you hold me close I don't remember the way our bodies fit before, the way we connected, soul to soul. I hope I can forget the silence of the room, the warmth of your hand against my back, the feel of your lips against mine, the small whispers against my forehead after we split apart, the look in your eyes as you walked away...

I hope I'll never forget, because in many ways, I'd been looking for that moment for a long time. I hope that somewhere in another lifetime that moment led to something more, that somewhere we are together, that we are happy, that there are no complications.

But I know that we did the right thing. I love my wife, and she deserves better than that. I hope you can find somebody too. Or that you have found him. Your happiness matters. I hope you know that.

Don't worry I'll show up at your door when you least expect it, hauling a duffel bag and my guitar, begging to spend the night cause Katy and I had a fight, or just to annoy the shit out of you until you laugh again. Because I miss your stupid face too.

I love you.

Expect my voice any day on the phone. You'll begin to dread the number flashing on your screen. I may not be myself just yet, but I'm getting there.

I'm not sorry. I never will be.

~Kris


End file.
